1
00:00:00,510 --> 00:00:06,990
Acceptance, the second core feature of mindful awareness is acceptance, which means opening to our

2
00:00:06,990 --> 00:00:09,180
experience as it unfolds.

3
00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:16,410
After a couple miserable nights, Joan realized he needed a new perspective on his daughter's bedtime.

4
00:00:16,830 --> 00:00:20,010
The next night, he decided to try a different approach.

5
00:00:20,430 --> 00:00:22,890
What if he let the night play out?

6
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,300
However it was going to?

7
00:00:24,630 --> 00:00:27,560
It's not like his resistance made things better.

8
00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:30,720
It was making him frustrated toward his baby.

9
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:38,250
Every night, he resolved to do his best to help her fall asleep and to release his fierce attachment

10
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:40,650
to controlling exactly when that happened.

11
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:51,090
The first time his daughter began to cry, Joan took a calming breath before going into her room and

12
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:55,540
instead of telling himself, I hate this or this is ridiculous.

13
00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,830
He thought, this is what's happening right now.

14
00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:03,180
Then he took stock of what that statement actually meant.

15
00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:08,970
He was standing by the crib of his baby girl, whom he loved more than words.

16
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:14,430
He was patting her tiny back, which was the size of his hand.

17
00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:17,550
He could hear her breathing begin to slow.

18
00:01:17,850 --> 00:01:23,580
He realized how in that moment he had no real complaint about anything.

19
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,090
He wasn't cool, hungry, thirsty or in danger.

20
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,100
His daughter was healthy.

21
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:31,160
She just wasn't asleep yet.

22
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,890
Maybe things were exactly as they ought to be.

23
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:42,150
John's example reveals important natural response of mindful acceptance.

24
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:47,010
First, it doesn't mean we stop having preferences for how things go.

25
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:54,450
Of course, John still wanted his baby to fall asleep quickly and easily and wanted to have more of

26
00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:57,090
the evening to himself to unwind.

27
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:06,060
Accepting meant holding those preferences more likely and not assuming his daughter was doing something

28
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:10,230
wrong by not being asleep when he wanted her to be.

29
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:17,880
Accordingly, Joan didn't throw in the towel and stop following the bedtime routine he had agreed on

30
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:22,350
to transition their baby to falling asleep on her own in her crib.

31
00:02:22,740 --> 00:02:30,750
He stuck to his plan, offering predictability and consistency while recognizing that he couldn't control

32
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:31,700
his daughter's sleep.

33
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:39,720
When we stop fighting against the way things are, we leave an enormous portion of our stress earlier

34
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:40,720
in my career.

35
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:47,730
I had a very difficult supervisor, and I often found myself tied up in my thoughts as I tried to make

36
00:02:47,730 --> 00:02:50,640
sense of how unreasonable she was.

37
00:02:50,910 --> 00:02:56,860
Finally, I reached a point of accepting that she could just be difficult, period.

38
00:02:57,030 --> 00:03:04,560
My acceptance didn't change her behavior, but it did free me from acting as if she were doing something

39
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,230
surprising.

40
00:03:05,490 --> 00:03:07,740
She was simply being true.

41
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:15,030
To form a crucial part of acceptance is that it lets us respond appropriately to the facts in front

42
00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:15,370
of us.

43
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:22,920
My acceptance of my boss temperament made it clear to me that I needed to find work elsewhere, which

44
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:26,590
underscores the distinction between acceptance and apathy.